


And Taken From Me

by nagi_schwarz



Series: The Oppenheimer Effect [81]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 12:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12132303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Any, Any, panic attack."Damien's having panic attacks. Tyler knows why. JD's the only one who can talk to him about it.





	And Taken From Me

“It happened again,” Tyler said in a low voice.

JD looked up from where he was scrambling eggs for breakfast. “What happened again?”

“Panic attack.” Tyler heaved leaned against the counter, reached for the coffee machine.

JD fought back the reflex to smack his hand away. He was eighteen now. If he wanted to drink coffee like a Marine, that was his choice. His growth was pretty stunted already anyway. “Damien?”

Tyler nodded, poured himself a mug.

Evan and JD had had to stick around in Council Bluffs long enough to get Damien’s charges handled. He pled no contest, and Evan - with Major Cartwright’s help - managed to talk to the prosecutor into a plea in abeyance since Damien had no record (no adult record, at any rate) and then they’d brought him home on the first flight he could book.

Evan and JD had had to get back to work right away, so Tyler, Brenda, and Nadine saw about getting Damien settled in. Tyler helped Damien move what little gear he had (a backpack with some clothes, a roll of cash, a toothbrush, and a half-busted iPod) into one of the basement rooms. Brenda and Tyler met up with Sasha and Tina and took Damien clothes shopping with what cash Damien had left, promising him he was free from chipping in on rent and food till he had a job. Nadine and Tyler had accompanied Damien to the social services office so he could find out about his case, which had been closed once he turned eighteen and while he was on the run.

Cam had put in a call to Cassandra to find out if there was any help to be had for Damien, even after his case was closed. She’d told them how to contact the aftercare services specialist, a caseworker who could help Damien get on his feet some more with basic things like health insurance, a bit of money, and maybe some leads on a job or schooling or an apartment.

They’d given him a couple of days to settle in before they’d gone all-out, thrown him a big welcome back shindig, complete with Evan’s cooking and friends from school.

JD had been watching Damien closely. The kid was - fragile, to say the least. JD had seen it, in young soldiers recently back from captivity. Damien was overwhelmed by - all the people. The new faces (Brenda and Nadine) and things (JD, Cam, and Evan all being in a relationship together). The new places and questions - his own room, his own bank account, was he interested in college? They could help him get his diploma or his GED. Damien was grateful to have a warm bed and a hot shower and all the good home cooking he could stand, but he was jittery. None of them knew what he’d been through while he was out on the streets. He hadn’t said, and none of them had pressed (though there had been talk about seeing if he was willing to visit with a counselor).

The panic attacks told JD all he needed.

“Who was it this time?”

“Evan. Went to pat Damien on the shoulder, like he does, and Damien lashed out. Freaked out. Couldn’t breathe. Whole nine yards.” Tyler sighed into his mug of coffee.

JD was starting to see a pattern in Damien’s panic attacks. First Rodney, then John, now Evan. But never Tyler, or Brenda, or Nadine.

“Who talked him down?”

“I did.”

“Did he say anything?”

“He made me promise not to tell.” Tyler met JD’s gaze, held it.

JD scraped the scrambled eggs out of the skillet and into a bowl. So Tyler was going to attempt to pass on covert information. “But?”

“But - I was helping Brenda do some research, the other day, for one of her classes. About SERE training.”

“Survival, evasion, resistance, escape.”

“Apparently it’s mostly done for airplane crews and stuff.”

JD put the skillet back on the stove, used a pair of tongs to put a rasher of bacon into it, a slice at a time. “Because they’re the ones most likely to be caught and captured behind enemy lines.”

“Every special forces guy - or girl - has to do it, right?”

“Right.”

“And - you did special forces.”

“Yes.”

“The stuff they teach is based on experiences from POWs, right? They update the training as new information comes in?” Tyler kept his tone careful, measured.

“Wouldn’t be much use if they didn’t update it.” JD kept his responses calm, casual.

“According to the stuff I read, they had to - radically update the training after getting reports of what POWs experienced in the Gulf.”

JD’s hands stilled. He met Tyler’s gaze. “That’s true.”

Tyler swallowed hard. His grip on his mug was white-knuckled. “You served in the Gulf, right?”

“I did.”

“Cammie says you were a POW for a couple of months in a prison in Iraq.”

JD closed his eyes, took a deep breath. “Yes, I was.”

“Then - then you might understand what Damien’s going through.”

 _Dammit. Damn it to all fucking hell._ JD opened his eyes. “I’ll see about talking to him.”

“I’m sorry,” Tyler said in a small voice.

“Not your fault. You’re a good friend. I’ll see what I can do.” JD turned his attention back to the bacon. Best as JD knew, none of the others had gone through what he’d gone through as a POW. Neither Cam nor John had ever been taken captive by enemy or hostile forces. Evan’s POW experience was hell on green, lizardy wheels. JD had told Evan and Cam, back at the beginning of their relationship, what had happened to him, that if he said something made him uncomfortable or if he pulled away during an intimate encounter that they shouldn’t take it personally. He hadn’t gone into details. The sympathy in their eyes, even knowing how much they loved him, had made him want to shoot something.

JD was probably the only one who had even the slightest sense of what Damien had gone through. Chances were, his mere presence would make Damien have a panic attack if he approached the kid wrong, tried to catch him alone.

The boy in question shuffled into the kitchen, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Tyler lit up, fixed him a mug of coffee, asked what kind of toast he wanted.

Damien blinked. “Toast?”

Tyler nodded and went to poke in the fridge. “We have wheat and white and sourdough and also this really good potato bread -”

“Wheat is fine,” Damien said, looking a little overwhelmed by all the choices.

“Bacon will be right up,” JD said. “Dig into some eggs.”

Cam rolled into the kitchen, and JD leaned down to kiss him hello even though they’d shared a very enthusiastic good morning kiss right before they’d rolled out of bed for their morning run. “I thought today was Evan’s cooking day?”

Damien immediately avoided Cam’s gaze.

“We agreed to a swap for today,” JD said. “My morning lecture was canceled.”

Cam nodded. He tried to steal a piece of bacon right out of the skillet, and JD had to fend him off, but soon the entire family was seated around the table - Cam, Tyler, Evan, Damien, and John. Rodney only stopped by long enough to grab a couple slices of toast before he dashed out the door to the Mountain.

“He’s had an experiment running all night,” John explained after he kissed Rodney _see you later._ “Radek was watching it, and now Rodney has to spell him.”

“He always has experiments running all night,” Tyler said.

“That he does. Pass the apple juice?” John smiled.

“So, Damien, what are your plans for today?” Cam asked.

Damien, who’d always been more outgoing than Tyler, sat up straighter. “Aunt Nadine said she’d give me a ride over to the school district, so I can see about getting my diploma through adult ed, and then around town to look for a part-time job, so I can start helping out around here.”

Evan nodded. “Sounds good. Just - take it slow. Don’t get too overwhelmed, all right? We’re here for you.”

“I know I screwed up, that I made some bad choices,” Damien said firmly. “But I’m going to show you guys I can do this.”

“We know you can,” Tyler said, eyes wide and earnest.

JD cleared his throat. “Have you tied down health insurance?”

“Aunt Nadine will help me work on that.”

Cam gestured with his fork. “Be nice to that woman. Not only is she likely Tyler’s future mother-in-law -”

Tyler made an indignant noise.

“But she’s a force to be reckoned with.”

Damien nodded.

John said, “Don’t be afraid to stand up to her, too. You’ve met Brenda - she’s a smart, independent young woman, and a good chunk of that is thanks to Nadine. But Nadine’s youngest child has just left home, and where she was facing the prospect of empty nest syndrome, now she has you.”

“I’m not her kid,” Damien said, frowning.

“We all know that,” John said, “and objectively, she knows that. You just - might have to remind her of that once in a while.”

Damien nodded warily.

JD said, “Have you thought about seeing a counselor?”

Damien pressed his mouth into a thin line. “No.”

Evan and JD had told Cam, John, and Rodney about Damien’s suicide attempt so everyone was aware, could keep an eye on him, help keep him safe, but they hadn’t told Tyler or anyone else out of respect for Damien’s privacy.

“I was in therapy for about ten years, and none of it helped.” Damien shook his head. “I’m not going back.”

Evan looked concerned.

JD nodded. “I get it. Totally your choice. Not a fan of therapists myself. But the option’s there.”

“Not an option for me.”

There was a pointed pause, and but then Evan deflected deftly, asked what they could find out about Damien’s car, the one he and Cam had worked on before. Had it been impounded? Repossessed? If they could get it back, Damien still had a valid driver’s license, and he could get around on his own a little better.

JD could still sense the tension between Damien and Evan, but he said nothing. John and Tyler were on dishes, so JD took the chance to go get dressed for the day. He, Evan, and JD had finally gotten to a place where they were sharing a bedroom and not just a bed (after this summer, JD and Evan were both still a bit anxious about letting Cam out of their sight for very long). Evan had gone a bit manic and rearranged the bedroom so everyone’s bedroom contents were in Cam’s room, which was the biggest room just so he had space to roll around. All of JD’s clothes were in the closet, Evan’s clothes were on the shelves in the closet, and absent any items that absolutely had to hang up, Cam’s clothes were in the bureau closest to the bed so he could sit on the edge of the bed and get dressed.

Sometimes JD liked to wear the others’ shirts. He’d always adored it when Sara had worn his shirts - some stupid possessive cave-man thing, Evan would probably say - and Cam especially liked it when JD wore his shirts, so sometimes JD did.

He was poking through Cam’s drawers for that soft old Air Force t-shirt in blue and gray when he sensed someone behind him, turned.

Damien stood in the doorway.

“Why did you have to bring up therapy?”

JD recognized the aggression in his voice, kept his own tone calm and even in return. “I wasn’t trying to imply there was something wrong with you. Just - that it’s an option. If you need it.”

“I don’t need it. I’ve never needed it.”

“I get that,” JD said. “I’ve pretty much refused therapy all my life, even though there were times when I probably could have used it. I’ve seen the good it’s done for Evan and John and Tyler, so I no longer discount it out of hand. You shouldn’t either.”

“You don’t know anything about me.” Damien’s voice was low, rough. His hands curled into fists.

JD knew more about Damien than the kid thought, having been privy to his school and disciplinary file. Damien packed a hell of a punch, and he wasn’t afraid to use it. “It’s true, I don’t know you nearly as well as you know yourself. But you’re not alone in the things you’ve been through.”

“What would you know about it?”

“After my parents died,” JD said, which everyone else in the house knew meant _after I got cloned and excised from my own life like a malignant tumor,_ “I lived on my own for a bit. Lived rough.”

“Your parents loved you.”

“They did, very much.”

“Cammie and Lorne and Shep took you in.”

“That they did.”

“You never had to turn tricks to eat, though, did you? If you had, you wouldn’t be with Cammie and Lorne.” Damien’s gaze was wary, his fists white-knuckled.

JD pulled on the first shirt he touched, didn’t care that it was Cam’s old Academy shirt. He kept the bed mostly between him and Damien. He was at a disadvantage, in the corner. Damien was bigger than him. But JD was also a much, much better fighter. And he was cool-headed.

“No, I didn’t have to turn tricks,” JD admitted. He searched for a diplomatic way to say what he had to say. In the old days, he’d had Daniel and Sam and Teal’c to help with this. Here, he was on his own. “But my being with Cam and Evan isn’t easy, not just because of them being men or the apparent age difference, but because of things I’ve gone through.”

Damien crossed his arms over his chest. His body was still tense, his demeanor still aggressive, but there was a measure of defensiveness in him as well. “Some creepy uncle or neighbor bad touch you or something?”

JD sucked in a deep breath and realized he’d literally never said the words out loud before. “I was raped.”

Damien went still. Then he bit out, “I’m not a victim.”

Daniel and Sam hadn’t known it, but every time they’d been captured and separated JD had been - terrified. His making light of the time Daniel got “engaged” to Shyla off-world, or that the DNA Janet would have found in Hathor’s spawning tank was half his, or any time someone offworld looked at Sam wrong - he’d been desperate that none of them know what had happened to him. He was pretty sure George had never known.

And here he was, opening his veins for this kid.

“No, you’re not. You’re still here. You’re a survivor.”

 _“Survivor_ is just a pansy-ass way of saying _victim,_ like _special_ means _stupid.”_ Fury flashed in Damien’s eyes. “Nothing ever happened to me that I didn’t let happen.”

JD knew that wasn’t true, and it would mess Damien up even more if he kept thinking that. “I get that,” JD said. Because he’d let his captors abuse his body, in a sense. They’d promised not to hurt him or anyone else imprisoned with him if he just told them what they wanted to know, and he hadn’t told them what they wanted to know. Simple cause and effect. Resist, be hurt. Give in, go unharmed. “Doesn’t mean that what happened was right.”

“I did what I had to, to -” Damien cut himself off and looked away, left the word hanging in the air, unspoken. _Survive._

“So did I.”

“You never went to therapy.”

“No. Probably should’ve.”

“You’re okay now.”

“Pretty much. But it took - time.”

Damien backed up a step. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Like I do?”

“You’re talking about it to me.”

That insolent adolescent tone would never fail to make JD want to shake the adolescent in question. “I’ve never - said it aloud before. Like that.”

That gave Damien pause. “Not even to Cammie and Lorne?”

“Not quite so bluntly.”

Damien stared at him for a long moment. “Then why -?”

“If you ever need to talk, I’m willing to listen.”

Damien tilted his head, considering. “And you. Will you talk?”

“If it helps you.”

Damien huffed. “I don’t get you.”

“I’ve done terrible things to protect the people I care about. Talking isn’t my favorite, but I’m willing to do it, if that’s what it takes.”

Damien’s gaze turned shadowed, and JD knew he was thinking of what had happened in Kansas. Tyler had told him some of it, and Damien had likely learned about the rest on the Internet.

Finally, Damien nodded, straightened up. “All right. Fine. Talking. But not to a therapist.”

“It’s a deal.” JD crossed the room, offered a hand.

Damien shook it warily. An awkward silence fell between them after Damien let JD’s hand go.

The doorbell rang. Nadine.

“Saved by the bell,” JD drawled.

Damien went to answer the door, and JD finished getting dressed. It would be a while, before Damien came to talk to him again, but no thanks to JD (and thanks to Thor), JD had time.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the lyrics to the song Freak on a Leash


End file.
